Monday, November 07, 2005


Deep dark night. A small star is glimmering helplessly in the sky. She sees a huge horrible shadow which is slowly moving towards her as if going to absorb. The star feels threat, and animal, irrational fear embraces her. There is no way to escape and no possibility to resist. And there seems to be nothing inside her but FEAR. I am this star, and I have nothing to live with but my fear which I cannot overcome.
Nice and bright morning. When I wake up, I realize it was just a bad dream and try to calm down. Nevertheless the state of anxiety lingers on and the nightmare continues to disturb me. I start thinking that I am given to nightmares, but later make sure that I am not the only person who feels the groundless fear.

It was after the World War Second that the notion of fear entered the cultural paradigm of our time. Scared and terrified by bombings, famines and constant deaths, people began to doubt the sense of their existence and the values of their lives. They dissuaded from God, which made them feel abandoned and lonely, and brought to the surface all the irrational that was previously hidden in the sphere of subconscious and harnessed by the strong religious beliefs. The sphere of irrational, left to itself, ruined the common stereotypes and morals of the society and replaced them with the feelings of imprisonment, exile and fear. These motives were reflected in literature, cinematography, paintings and philosophy of existentialism.
Though the cultural paradigm has changed, there are little changes in human perception of life and the surrounding world. Our life turned into a low-quality thriller, where fears of all kinds still rule the society. Society is being artificially scared; phobias are being violently spread by authorities in order to manipulate the masses accordingly to their “highest” will. Consequently, nowadays we are afraid of everything – of love, trust, friendship and communication. We are afraid of going outside, because we can be robbed, raped, killed. We are afraid of expressing our thoughts freely, because we can be dismissed, punished, misunderstood. We are afraid of living because life hurts. We are afraid of death like children are afraid of dark rooms, but at one and the same time we long for it as it is the only way to escape from life.
Our fear hunts us, it is on the watch for us. Unfortunately, in most cases we are not able to resist it, and the only way is to yield and to let fear inside us. Fear becomes an inseparable part of human being, and there is hardly a man who does not bear it in one’s heart of hearts.
Fear spreads like an infective virus, and we should be extremely careful in order not to infect the others, for fear seems to be only natural phenomenon in present day society, and the other things like health, warmth of human relations, happiness seem to be artificial.
In our escape from fear we have perverted all the notions and forgotten that without love and desire and courage to survive this world is a dead one. I do not know what, but we should do something to harness our fear otherwise we won’t last long.

When I go to bed for the next time, I will see the same dream. Only this time the star will be waiting for the shadow without paralyzing fear, because she has realized that the way to escape is the warmth of life and the image of death.